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Professor H

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1590 on: September 11, 2016, 08:05:25 PM »

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First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.
Marion Berry

But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
Nancy Pelosi

Tiny

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1591 on: October 08, 2016, 12:08:53 AM »

.
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Women should be obscene and not heard.

Ham Radio...the original social network.

eriemermaid

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1592 on: October 08, 2016, 07:34:44 PM »

LOL
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CatLady

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1593 on: October 20, 2016, 07:52:00 AM »

What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?  Retired.   ;D
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I'm trying to like people but it's hard to get past the STUPID ones!

 “I've never had a humble opinion in my life. If you're going to have one, why bother to be humble about it?”
Joan Baez

Life's tough......It's even tougher if you're stupid.

FritzTheKat

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1594 on: October 20, 2016, 04:03:39 PM »

What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?  Retired.   ;D

That would be me... ;) :) ;D
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CatLady

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1595 on: October 20, 2016, 09:18:09 PM »

Me, too...but I usually don't know what day of the week it is unless it's "put out the garbage" day and fat morning papers mean it's Sunday.
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I'm trying to like people but it's hard to get past the STUPID ones!

 “I've never had a humble opinion in my life. If you're going to have one, why bother to be humble about it?”
Joan Baez

Life's tough......It's even tougher if you're stupid.

Professor H

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1596 on: December 14, 2016, 12:47:47 PM »

I  was at the pub the other night and overheard three very hefty women  talking at the bar.
       
    Their  accent appeared to be Gaelic, so I approached and  asked,
   
    "Hello,  are you three lassies from Ireland?"
   
     One  of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales,  Wales you bloody  idiot!"
     
    So  I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry.  Are you three whales  from Ireland?"
   
    And  that's the last thing I remember! 
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First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.
Marion Berry

But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
Nancy Pelosi

Professor H

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1597 on: December 20, 2016, 10:14:53 AM »

Borrowed from a Red-head... posting about Blondes! 


Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Helloooo …. just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year -- that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.
Marion Berry

But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
Nancy Pelosi

Professor H

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1598 on: March 22, 2017, 12:58:37 PM »

For years you probably have wondered who first uttered the phrase
 
"You Gotta Be Shittin Me" .
 
Am I right?
 
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.   
 
 
There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat.  It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.   
 
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern.  He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.   
 
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.   
 
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware.   Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them
felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.   
 
 
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.  He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.   
 
 
Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.'
 
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.   
 
What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.   
 
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.
 
The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.
 
A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.   
 
Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men.  We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'   
 
 
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.  How many men do you have?'   
 
Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters .'   
 
And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.' 
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First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.
Marion Berry

But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
Nancy Pelosi

Tiny

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1599 on: April 11, 2017, 11:32:11 PM »





« Last Edit: April 11, 2017, 11:34:19 PM by Tiny »
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Women should be obscene and not heard.

Ham Radio...the original social network.

Professor H

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1600 on: April 24, 2017, 11:28:19 PM »

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and
shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man.
"I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money.
Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded.  "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay.
It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
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First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.
Marion Berry

But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.
Nancy Pelosi
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