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Categories => Sports => Topic started by: Mayonnaise on October 13, 2008, 03:02:06 PM

Title: Sports Jokes
Post by: Mayonnaise on October 13, 2008, 03:02:06 PM
 :D
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: T-M-T on October 13, 2008, 03:03:20 PM
Why wasn't Jesus born in East Lansing?






They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Mayonnaise on April 04, 2011, 11:34:31 AM
A U of M fan, an Ohio State fan and a MSU fan are climbing a mountain, arguing about who loves his team more. The MSU fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for MSU" he yells, and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the U of M fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for the University of Michigan...!" and pushes the Ohio State fan off the mountain.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on April 20, 2011, 12:03:15 PM
(http://editorialcartoonists.com/cartoons/BergeP/2011/BergeP20110420_low.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: family man on April 20, 2011, 12:11:15 PM
How do you get an OSU athlete off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza.


What are 7 most important words taught to OSU athletes? Would you like fries with that order?


What do you call an OSU athlete without a criminal record? When they find one, they'll let us know.


Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on May 15, 2011, 10:21:22 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/sk051511dAPR20110512114545.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: ussoccer26 on May 15, 2011, 10:56:21 PM
The cleveland browns
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: ussoccer26 on May 15, 2011, 10:56:49 PM
O-L-I-O!
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 01, 2011, 09:00:04 AM
(http://media.townhall.com/townhall/car/b/cb053111dapr20110601124518.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 02, 2011, 08:12:22 AM
(http://editorialcartoonists.com/cartoons/ColeJ/2011/ColeJ20110602_low.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 22, 2011, 02:43:56 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/cb061311dAPR20110613114515.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on July 23, 2011, 02:00:26 PM
(http://editorialcartoonists.com/cartoons/McKeeR/2011/McKeeR20110723_low.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on July 23, 2011, 02:12:40 PM
lmao
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on November 27, 2011, 10:14:26 PM
HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

At GEORGIA : it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.

 At FLORIDA : it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.

At ALABAMA : it takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.

 At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

 At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.

 At KENTUCKY : it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE : it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama .

 At MISSISSIPPI STATE : it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".

 At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.


 
At SOUTH CAROLINA : it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: BigMike on November 28, 2011, 02:34:21 PM
I don't know any that do not have a punch line of Big 10.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: ussoccer26 on November 29, 2011, 09:37:53 AM
(http://s1-05.twitpicproxy.com/photos/large/440189939.jpg)

SEC.lol
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: ussoccer26 on November 29, 2011, 09:48:16 AM

(http://web.knoxnews.com/gvx/cartoons/2007/dp_arkansas.jpg)

I actually like Arkansas. They grow some good corn down there.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: ussoccer26 on November 29, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/228/1686/320/bear%20cropped%20wm.jpg)

(http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/228/1686/1600/Death%20to%20MZone.1.jpg)


Top picture caused quite a stir in Alabama, bottom picture was the insanity that ensued.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: ussoccer26 on November 29, 2011, 10:06:47 AM

(http://www.yardbarker.com/media/0/0/00225b01d143884b029337b78b6b13aa865c76a7/xl/Florida_and_Ohio_State_Cartoon.jpg)

Ha.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 21, 2012, 10:01:13 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/sbr032012dAPR20120320024516.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on April 22, 2012, 07:34:46 AM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/cb041912dAPC20120419104540.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on April 26, 2012, 11:55:21 AM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/gv042612dAPR20120426044536.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on August 30, 2012, 12:58:56 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/sk083012dAPR20120829084534.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Forsythia on August 30, 2012, 01:03:38 PM
That's awesome Prof.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on January 17, 2013, 11:10:59 AM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/payn_c10635920130113120100.jpg)


(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/sk011313dAPR20130112074511.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on February 19, 2013, 10:27:54 AM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/cb021813dAPR20130219024512.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on February 21, 2013, 11:19:55 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/ca022113dBP20130219114515.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 02, 2013, 08:18:17 AM
(http://www.usnews.com/usnews/php/galleries/image.php/1695/7/7.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 16, 2013, 09:17:44 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/kn061313dAPR20130613014540.jpg)
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/payn_c11008520130614120100.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 29, 2013, 11:10:54 AM
And people wonder why they can't get away from the SEC thuggery when they become millionaire's?
(http://www.usnews.com/usnews/php/galleries/image.php/2131/2/2.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: excelsior on June 29, 2013, 07:21:25 PM
Stanley Cup Shot 11 Times During Chicago Blackhawks Victory Parade

(http://o.onionstatic.com/images/22/22658/original/700.jpg?6675)


CHICAGO—Over the course of the 45-minute victory parade held Friday morning to celebrate the Chicago Blackhawks’ NHL championship, the Stanley Cup sustained nearly a dozen gunshot wounds, city police officials have confirmed. “Multiple gun-wielding individuals, all appearing to operate independently, fired approximately 25 shots at the trophy, resulting in 11 direct hits,” said Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy, who confirmed the famous trophy’s injuries may leave many of the names of past champions engraved upon it permanently illegible, including the entire roster of the 1999 Dallas Stars. “We are seeking any information regarding the current whereabouts of the Cup’s assailants, as well as the identities of the 1.3 million revelers facing charges of public intoxication.” Parade coordinators reportedly elected to continue the rally, stating that the crowds of Chicagoans did not seem at all fazed by the gunfire.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/stanley-cup-shot-11-times-during-chicago-blackhawk,33001/
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on June 30, 2013, 08:04:16 PM
LOL!  Someone should pass a law banning guns in Chicago.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: sammy on June 30, 2013, 08:10:45 PM
Keep in mind, it's from the onion!
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on July 01, 2013, 07:17:32 AM
Keep in mind, it's from the onion!

I was on top of that!

Pretty sure it would be all over the papers if it would have really happened.

Obama would have been flying "victims" to Washington on Air Force 1 to lobby for "gun control."
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on July 04, 2013, 02:50:54 PM
(http://www.usnews.com/usnews/php/galleries/image.php/2137/8/8.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on July 04, 2013, 08:00:58 PM
LMAO.....just saw the Stanley Cup one.  That's funny.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on July 09, 2013, 08:25:27 AM
Funny obit from a Cleveland man,   could also go for any Detroit fans...

=====================================
But his final bit of wisdom when it came to the franchise was this impressive zinger.

“He respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.”
=======================================
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on July 09, 2013, 12:33:56 PM
Funny obit from a Cleveland man,   could also go for any Detroit fans...

=====================================
But his final bit of wisdom when it came to the franchise was this impressive zinger.

“He respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.”
=======================================

LOL!

I think the Lions OWE me that if I asked....  all that wasted money and afternoons.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: excelsior on July 09, 2013, 12:40:11 PM
The Cleveland's fan name was Scott E. Entsminger.   His full obituary is here:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dispatch/obituary.aspx?n=scott-e-entsminger&pid=165695591#fbLoggedOut
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on July 09, 2013, 07:21:03 PM
I think the Lions OWE me that if I asked....  all that wasted money and afternoons.

Stand in a very long line!


“He respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.”
=======================================

Classic.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on July 09, 2013, 07:40:30 PM
Quote
A lifelong Cleveland Browns fan and season ticket holder, he also wrote a song each year and sent it to the Cleveland Browns as well as offering other advice on how to run the team.

I have lots of advice for the Lions too!

I don't write music, but I have been known to string together an impressive string of obscenities watching my beloved Lions.

 ;D
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: tnweasel on July 09, 2013, 11:23:01 PM
....for those long years I suffered as an Atlanta Falcons fan....and for the years the Braves didn't fare much better...one of my favorites was...Go Braves...and take the Falcons with you!

also, one of the interstate roads that runs close to Atlanta...Interstate 24..some painted on a sign... I-24 ..Falcons 0.....
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on July 10, 2013, 07:09:37 AM
....for those long years I suffered as an Atlanta Falcons fan....and for the years the Braves didn't fare much better...one of my favorites was...Go Braves...and take the Falcons with you!

also, one of the interstate roads that runs close to Atlanta...Interstate 24..some painted on a sign... I-24 ..Falcons 0.....

But the Falcons have made it to a Super Bowl.....  Lions.....  not.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on July 31, 2013, 11:17:27 PM
For the golfer who has almost everything...  ;D
(http://images.ftw.usatoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/61225_potty_putter.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on August 01, 2013, 05:56:24 PM
LOL.  This is still one of my favorite clips related to sports funnies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GDPRQ7bos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-GDPRQ7bos)

Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on November 04, 2013, 04:48:04 PM
(http://www.usnews.com/usnews/php/galleries/image.php/2435/3/3.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on November 04, 2013, 06:44:54 PM
LOL, funny stuff.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Will Sweat on November 15, 2013, 08:08:35 AM
Why did the Lions fan look so confused?

He was holding the paper right side up and the Lions were at the top!
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on January 11, 2014, 08:28:07 AM
(https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/t1/16103_10151111924421371_475835148_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on February 03, 2014, 01:51:55 PM
What do you call a group of men that gather
to watch the Super Bowl every year?

The Lions
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on August 29, 2014, 01:31:02 PM
Funny and somewhat true!  ;D

http://youtu.be/Px1rzF0JaMY (http://youtu.be/Px1rzF0JaMY)


Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on September 18, 2014, 11:10:03 PM
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10406377_10152818954934781_8197401995753910659_n.jpg?oh=bb216a883ac10e5de55b2e65a2eb544f&oe=5489896B&__gda__=1418167316_1b513cce4f71183e887d874f962be643)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on September 19, 2014, 08:32:12 AM
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10406377_10152818954934781_8197401995753910659_n.jpg?oh=bb216a883ac10e5de55b2e65a2eb544f&oe=5489896B&__gda__=1418167316_1b513cce4f71183e887d874f962be643)

I loved it! 
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Billy on September 22, 2014, 10:31:30 AM
Biggest sports joke right now is the 2014 Michigan Wolverine football team.

It's official Brady Hoke has got to go.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on September 22, 2014, 09:59:59 PM
Where is Tressel?
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on September 23, 2014, 06:18:51 AM
He is President of Akron University.

I guess that speaks volumes of the integrity of that institution.

The Mad Hatter is throwing games to he will be ready to be hired this time.

I am guessing Brandon won't be in the mood for a reach next time around.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 06, 2015, 12:02:14 PM
10 things you say in golf that sound dirty

10.  You need to adjust your grip
9.   It bends a little to the left
8.  Keep your head down
7.  We have a threesome, care to join us?
6.  Try choking down on the shaft
5.  How many strokes was that
4.  I'm pretty good with my short putts
3.  Spread your legs a little more
2.  Get in the hole, get in the hole
1.  anything with the words  Ball Washer... 
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 13, 2015, 09:59:19 AM
Golf Ball Markers

A golfer walks into the pro shop at
the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The
golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00. The guy gives the golf pro
a dollar. The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in and
hands him a dime.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 08, 2015, 02:57:00 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/sk060815dAPC20150608094520.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on June 09, 2015, 12:22:42 PM
Poor guy......who would have ever thought that a blonde swinging a 7 iron at a man of his talents could have taken him to where he is now.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 09, 2015, 01:10:44 PM
Tigers pride keeps him from admitting his failure in his swing changes - and running back to Butch Harmon begging forgiveness... 

His quest to Beat Jack Nicholaus' Majors record is all but toast until he does - and even then he's missed his prime opportunities.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Mayonnaise on June 27, 2015, 10:23:02 PM
Do you know what DANICA means for NASCAR driver Danica Partrick?

Does Anyone Notice I Crash Alot.

(Yeah I know the spelling for (A lot) is wrong but it is funnier when you say it out loud)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on June 27, 2015, 11:03:17 PM
Do you know what DANICA means for NASCAR driver Danica Partrick?

Does Anyone Notice I Crash Alot.

(Yeah I know the spelling for (A lot) is wrong but it is funnier when you say it out loud)

That is AWESOME!

I laugh when I hear commentators talking about her for the new US based F1 team.

She isn't even on the same playing field talent wise.
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on September 26, 2015, 09:52:11 AM
Any Cubs fans feeling the same?

(http://www.usnews.com/dims4/USNEWS/308c8f6/2147483647/resize/534x/format/png/quality/85/?url=%2Fcmsmedia%2Faf%2F8f%2F87f38e45468ebbe41bd3e22f7c34%2F20150924edstc-a.tiff)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on November 19, 2015, 09:38:44 AM
(http://i2.wp.com/hiphollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Screen-Shot-2015-11-16-at-11.34.04-AM.png?resize=596%2C598)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on November 21, 2015, 11:09:35 PM
What do Ohio State and Rhonda Roussey have in common?

Both were undefeated until the last kick   ;D
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on January 02, 2016, 09:02:43 PM
What does Michigan State and Marijuana have in Common?

Both are green and were smoked in a bowl this weekend  ;D
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on January 03, 2016, 08:06:26 AM
LOL......that's bad!
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on July 14, 2016, 10:36:25 AM
The R&A and USGA have taken a page from the FBI...   

If you didn't intend to hit your ball out of bounds or in the water -
you can claim the Hillary Clause and get a free drop

No penalty can be applied if the intent wasn't there  ;)


And my partner keeps asking why I have an extra shirt in my bag -
It's in case I get a Hole-in-one        :)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on September 11, 2016, 07:54:12 PM
(http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/bg083016dAPC20160830084530.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on September 26, 2016, 03:27:05 PM
I hear the lake levels rose two inches this weekend...   

(Millions of Spartan Tears)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: whispers on November 27, 2016, 03:33:38 PM

Question? Why do golfer's wear 2 pairs of pants?
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on December 03, 2016, 10:55:48 AM
Question? Why do golfer's wear 2 pairs of pants?

Oooo...   ooooo....    I know!

In Case they get a hole-in-one! 
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on January 11, 2017, 11:21:47 PM
(http://www.thedailygouge.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/download-3.jpeg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 18, 2017, 12:55:37 PM
(http://www.thedailygouge.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Image-3-8-17-at-11.05-AM.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: The Fuzz on March 19, 2017, 07:56:28 AM
LOL, that's bad......and my goodness if you want to get into a debate about the civil war anywhere near Atlanta just bring up Sherman's name.  WOW
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 20, 2017, 10:59:34 AM
I'll have to remember that next year as my opponent from Atlanta is lining up his put  :)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on March 30, 2017, 10:20:35 PM
(https://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/mle170330c20170329085517.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on June 22, 2017, 03:22:34 PM
(https://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/mle170622c20170621093657.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Monroe Native on June 22, 2017, 07:51:49 PM
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSAHegCRAD8Vij4fHJ4l279pUsmUcpy2GCZnhymmyk39kZDUgmToIH4UPc)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on October 02, 2017, 08:06:01 AM
(https://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/mle170928c20170928124727.jpg)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: BigRedDog on July 08, 2018, 11:07:38 AM
I'm not a golfer but did notice this on twitter...

apparently some golf courses have more challenging obstacles than others!!!

I do know a little bit about small planes though and the wheels are not supposed to be folded back like that!

No one was reported hurt so I guess it gets filed under the 'rough landing' category ;) ;) ;)

Story:  http://upnorthlive.com/news/local/plane-crash-causes-part-of-roscommon-county-golf-course-to-close (http://upnorthlive.com/news/local/plane-crash-causes-part-of-roscommon-county-golf-course-to-close)

I hope Professor H wasn't golfing in Houghton Lake this morning ;D ;D ;D

(https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/1015968047952203776/aPaSkrh8?format=jpg&name=600x314)
Title: Re: Sports Jokes
Post by: Professor H on July 11, 2018, 09:09:36 AM
They better have it moved by the time I get there..  :)

I've seen planes on the course by me - as they used to keep one fairway wide enough for a landing area when the owner used to have a plane.