Print

[jbs49238]

OXFORD, MS - BREAKING NEWS!!!!

The State of Mississippi has announced today that it will combine the University or Mississippi and Mississippi State University in a drastic cost cutting measure.

"This makes financial sense for our great State!" announced a representative from the Governors office who elected to remain unnamed.  "The general consensus is that since only 871 students are enrolled at both institutions combined, the need for two campuses was a huge financial burden". 

The biggest concern most people in Mississippi seemed to share over the consolidation was over the potential merging of the athletic programs, the residents of the State have cast aside their differences though and settled on a new mascot... The Mud Bulls.  When asked about the end of the separate athletic programs and the importance of them from a historic perspective, Edward (Quick Eddie) Somsutherner stated "...no one really even cares, both sucked!"  The elite SEC programs are now faced with the daunting choice of scheduling replacement games.  SEC league offices had stated the conference will be looking to replace the departing Mississippi school with one of equal caliber athletic programs in place.  An SEC representative had mentioned Southern Louisiana State University, but was quickly reminded that the Mud Dogs were a fictional team created for a movie and that the Fonz has retired from coaching football.  It would appear that Florida A&M is likely the "best fit" to replace either departing Mississippi school, although there is open concern because the school has a stringent drug policy and currently requires student athletes to attend classes AND pass them.

As for the abandoned campus?  It appears that acedemic functions will be moved entirely to the Oxford campus, while the Starkville campus will be re-engineered to be an important piece of the Department of Corrections.  In an expected move the athletic campus will remain at the Starkville location so the athletes and coaches will not have far to travel for practice and games.  According to the SEC office, the Mississippi school probably won't realize a huge home field advantage since playing at the site of a prison would make "almost any" SEC athlete feel right at home.

[Billy]

 .