MonroeTalks.com > Categories > Just Asking > PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?


Pages: [1] 2   Go Down

Author Topic: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?  (Read 7292 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

RED

  • New Talker
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 27
PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« on: August 13, 2007, 03:50:39 PM »

I am amazed at the complete lack of disipline in some children today.
I have seen 3-4 year olds Hit, Kick, bite and rip glasses off their Mothers face while engaged in
the most demonsitive type of  temper tantrum I have ever wittnessed. The victimized  Parent
just stands helpless and does nothing.  These unbelivable  acts of rage usually occur because the child could not have his or her own way.These Parents today seem helpless to be able to control  and unwilling to  correct their unruly Children.
I understand that with some of our Laws today regarding Child Abuse which no one wants to see A Parent may be afraid to correct their child.  However Parents need to be held responsible for their childs unaceptable behavior in Public places.  It seems a shame that other people have to be subjected to  the obnoxious acting out of  a child who has  not been
taught to behave
Futher more allowing a child to continue to control   the parents is only asking for the situation to get worse as he or she gets older.
What do you think  the answer is for todays Parents   ???  The Naughty Chair or how about 5
minutes in the corner ???  Or what would you suggest  ??? ???  For perplexed and  bewildered  tired and  weary Moms and Dads . ???   ???
Logged
RED

crazeemom

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1590
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2007, 04:10:07 PM »

I have a spirited 3 year old boy.  When he had just turned two I took him to my grandfathers house for a visit.  My child could not sit still.  He wanted to touch everything.  I followed him around and I removed him from temptation when necessary.  My grandfather got so upset with me he left the room.  He came back and told me that I was spoiling him and I needed to get the upper hand.  I needed to spank his hands and his bottom.  I refused.  I am not saying I have never spanked my son.  But it is a last resort, you have to know this is a very dangerous serious situation kind of punishment.  Any way... My grandfather, my husband and sons recently went to an outing together.  I expected to hear OMG that boy needs some serious discipline, but I knew I wouldn't.  My grandfather instead gushed at how well behaved he was.  The point of this story is you really have to know a kid and what makes him or her tick.  My son throws lots of tantrums everywhere.  Most of the time I can avoid them by knowing he is tired, hungry, or its just not the day for marathon shopping.  I am not a mind reader though and there  are those times that slip in where he has a total and complete meltdown.  I try to remove him quickly as not to disturb others but it happens anyway.  I know that my behavior has a lot to do with his behavior.  I am not a sappy, coddle your child because its better for him parent.  I am a do what it takes to raise a self sufficient, confident, well speaking, mannerly person.  I do not use the naughty chair or the corner.  I try to remember to thank my children often for doing good deeds and using their manners.  I try to reward good behavior.  When there is nothing to reward I try to redirect.  My 9 year old well that is a different story.... No tv, No games, and the one that works best No friends over for a block of time.
Logged
Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday.

riversbend

  • Guest
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2007, 06:47:47 PM »

 This is an interesting subject.  I will never forget when my youngest was 18 months old, and throwing a tantrum at Opryland. I had forgotten the stroller, and had to rent one of thiers, which were quite flimsy "umbrella" stollers. I put him in it and he fought like a brama bull. After we got past the crowds he was still bucking and thrashing and screaming. My tought was this kid is totally out of control and going to hurt himslef, unless I get control of this situation.  I stopped, took him out of the stroller, slapped him twice on the behind, in which he had on a diaper,  and proceeded to put him back in it. Some woman started yelling "Don't beat that child, don't abuse him!!"
At this point I am very frustrated with my child, and now some woman I had never before seen is yelling at me and accusing me of child abuse. I lost my temper.  I turned and looked at her and said "Would you like to be next?"  I am guessing this is why people are hesitant to gain control of their kids in public.
When this same child was in 4th grade, I told him to do something and he started to back talk and told me he wasn't going to. I said you will, or else. He said you can't smack me, my teacher told me I can put you in jail if you do. I said Oh really, well I hate to tell you but they won't keep me forever and when I get out you will REALLY be in trouble!

Yes there are abusers, but there is a difference between abuse and discipline. It may be a fine line, but there are many people out there that don't know the difference.


Excuse my typo's, I have a broken finger.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2007, 06:53:27 PM by riversbend »
Logged

Tiny

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5949
  • Aw...Nuts
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2007, 06:50:36 PM »

"I understand that with some of our Laws today regarding Child Abuse, which no one wants to see, A Parent may be afraid to correct their child.  However Parents need to be held responsible for their child’s unacceptable behavior in Public places."

It seems parents are caught between a rock and a hard place. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't discipline there kids. My wife and I were in a store and this two year old was just acting up something horrible. Kicking and screaming and carrying on. The poor mother just felt awful. When the clerk was done the lady and child left and went out to her car. We followed her out and watched as she took her son in the back seat and proceeded to spank him. At this time two other ladies were walking by and immediately began screaming STOP, that was child abuse. They wanted us to help stop her and I said no, they had not seen what went on inside the store. They proceeded to copy down the ladies license plate number and were going to call the police. We had a police scanner in the car and sure enough, a few minutes later, the announcement went out that a lady was abusing her son in the store parking lot. I told my wife, the police have the license number and will probably go over to her house, and if they find a bruise on the child she will probably be arrested.  

The problem isn’t with the parents. The problem is that everyone else thinks they know the best way to raise your children.

I’m glad my sons are all grown up.  My parents raised nine kids and when we needed a spanking, we got it. You’re notified that you did wrong, the punishment is over in a short time, and you can get on with your life.  I don’t believe in extreme beatings, but a spanking isn’t child abuse. I don’t like the time outs and taking away TV and video games. This just makes the child angry at the parent over a longer period of time and eventually teaches the child to hate the parent.
Logged
Women should be obscene and not heard.

Ham Radio...the original social network.

the nosh

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10050
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2007, 07:35:00 PM »

great posts riversbend and ka8!! how true that all is! and sad also.
Logged
my heart is ruled by venus...but my head by mars.

MonroeMom

  • Guest
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2007, 07:51:53 PM »

Man, I am in the thick of it now with my three year old. My ex and I were just discussing how it's so difficult to be a good parent. It's exhausting, the constant power struggles. Fortunately, I'm very lucky that both of my girls' dispositions are pretty sweet and easy going. And the Why? stage has also begun.

My ex and I have decided that this is the important part of being a parent: being strong enough and tough enough to maintain consistent rules, praise, encouragement, punishment, and routine. (And of course a lot of fun in there, too!!). That's a pretty tall order! And, like many parents, we have the added challenge of maintaining all those in separate homes. Fortunately, we have a wonderful co-parent relationship and can discuss issues as they arise.

As far as kids misbehaving in public, I've always been majorly chafed by people who let their kids scream and disrupt others. If my kid became out of control in public, we would immediately leave the premises and have a serious conversation about what just occurred. And yes to a good swat on the butt or back of the legs. And yes to time out to reflect on her behavior and other ways of handling herself (we discuss this while she's in time out).

You have to be tough enough to make bad behavior totally unacceptable.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2007, 11:05:02 PM by MonroeMom »
Logged

mohamed_kalij

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 656
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2007, 08:47:21 PM »

I was in a store the other day. There was a kid screaming, yelling, crying, and laying on his belly kicking and hitting the floor. The mother just looked at him, smiled, and went about paying for her crap like it was a normal thing. Kids like that in that situation need a belt swat or six. Some kids just need a stern talking to and they straighten right up. It really just depends on the kid and what kind of mood they are in. Some of the best kids need a swat on the butt once in a while. Some of the most rotten will respond with a loud commanding voice on occasion. The point of all this is every parent needs to use their best judgment when dealing with their children. A good guideline that has worked for me is this: Hitting out of anger is not a good idea and will probably lead to abuse. Punishing your kid in a controlled and purposeful manor is discipline. You just have to use your best judgment and hope you make correct decisions. Once thing I have noticed that helps the message sink in is explaining why you had to do what you did and make sure the child knows what they did wrong. This is all just my opinion though. I am not the best parent, but I am doing what I can.
Logged
They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2007, 09:46:31 PM »

I don’t understand the parents that say nothing to the children that are misbehaving and if they wait until they’re out of the public eye to spank then the kid won’t remember why they were punished.
Although I’ve found myself constantly reminding my kids “wait until I get you out in the car”

I have a three step method that I’ve always used for misbehavior; first I gently admonish, second that admonishment evolves into a scolding and third as a last resort I’ll turn to corporal punishment.

If the child knows you mean what you say and the threats aren’t empty then just the gentle counsel is usually enough.

With some kids any attention is good attention and if that means misbehaving to get attention then so be it.
Pay attention to the kids when they’re being good and react when they’re bad…even it’s just a time out.

Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

misttan

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 420
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2007, 09:49:45 PM »

Gosh I hope you aren't all talking about my son.  He is 5 and he has a sassy mouth and STILL throws tantrums.  I have tried ignoring, yelling, spanking, timeouts but usually he just has to get it out of his system.  I do try to make sure I am not affecting everyone around me but there are those times when getting away is really difficult.

I can tell you honestly this has been a surprise to me.  I always figured the kids that act the worse have bad situations going on.  My husband and I are happily, our house is happy, I stay home and we are very involved in his life.  Sometimes its just personality... Right?


I don't know if spanking is an answer, it isn't here.  I think it just depends on the child.  As a parent though I plead with you all to have some patience with us, most of us are trying  :-\
Logged
Planet earth is blue and theres nothing I can do

no one gets my name right anyway

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 724
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2007, 09:50:08 PM »

I'm kind of shocked so many responses include some sort of physical consequence.  I was absolutely never hit or anything of that nature simply because I knew if either of my parents ever felt it was bad enough to warrant that, I might as well not come home because whatever punishment I would get would be far worse.

I realize people are not abusing their children, just using it as a form of reprimand, but I'm curious as to the people who don't.  Are my parents in the minority since I was never hit?
Logged

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2007, 10:19:11 PM »

Sure there are two mindsets; those that use corporal punishment and those that don’t but I’ve always heard that old saying “spare the rod, spoil the child”
Spanking is a last resort for me but is still a valuable teaching tool that I wished more people would use.
The best time to teach consideration is when they are young. If you’ve failed or have a strong willed child then that type may require corporal attention and/or timeouts.
I never wanted to always just say no to the child…. I look for things the kid can do.
If you folks are fine with a child running the show then don’t whine when the situation gets out of hand.

Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

eaglepride

  • Guest
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2007, 10:29:45 PM »

Spend time with your kids and set a good example. That should work.  ;D
Logged

MonroeMom

  • Guest
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2007, 10:32:11 PM »

 Are my parents in the minority since I was never hit?

Maybe. I had the textbook ideal childhood as far as my home life. But I was mouthy and a trouble maker (note how I use the past tense there!  ;)). When I got in real trouble, I had to wait until my Dad got home from work and then I got a "lickin'" with his belt! Now, that didn't happen all the time, of course. But it never, ever once occurred to me that I was in any way abused. I was not abused. If anything, I needed more of the same!! And, everyone else I knew at school had it pretty much the same way. It's kids that never got disciplined that become the sociopaths, IMO. Kids need consistent boundaries and respect for those boundaries.

Quote
At this point I am very frustrated with my child, and now some woman I had never before seen is yelling at me and accusing me of child abuse. I lost my temper.  I turned and looked at her and said "Would you like to be next?"  I am guessing this is why people are hesitant to gain control of their kids in public.

LOL!!! Good one! I can't even imagine what I would say or do if some stranger accosted me for disciplining my child. Unless there is gray matter and eyeballs on the ground, don't approach a Mom at her wit's end with a misbehaving child!!  :D
Logged

sullivan

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 131
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2007, 10:44:03 PM »

Man, I am in the thick of it now with my three year old. My ex and I were just discussing how it's so difficult to be a good parent. It's exhausting, the constant power struggles. Fortunately, I'm very lucky that both of my girls' dispositions are pretty sweet and easy going. And the Why? stage has also begun.

My ex and I have decided that this is the important part of being a parent: being strong enough and tough enough to maintain consistent rules, praise, encouragement, punishment, and routine. (And of course a lot of fun in there, too!!). That's a pretty tall order! And, like many parents, we have the added challenge of maintaining all those in separate homes. Fortunately, we have a wonderful co-parent relationship and can discuss issues as they arise.

As far as kids misbehaving in public, I've always been majorly chafed by people who let their kids scream and disrupt others. If my kid became out of control in public, we would immediately leave the premises and have a serious conversation about what just occurred. And yes to a good swat on the butt or back of the legs. And yes to time out to reflect on their behavior and other ways of handling herself (we discuss this while she's in time out).

You have to be tough enough to make bad behavior totally unacceptable.


MonroeMom
I commend you and your children's father in having a working relationship of parenting your children --in spite of your being divorced and going in different directions with your life ( other then in the PRIORITY AREA for you Both  in being parents to your children.)

The truth is that most parents like yourself that have experienced divorce or relational break up that involves children HATE each other more then they love their children and put the children in the middle to be used as pawns of a continued war ( winner take all  mindset) .

Add into that formula the archaic and self serving legal , judicial and even societal mindset that a child needs a mother but not necessarily a father and you have a recipe for disaster in raising the children ( as if it isn't hard enough to do anyway.)

The local judges have a history of keeping things status quo meaning : Mom gets the kids , Dad gets to pay child support through F.O.C. ( so they can get their federal funding $$$$) and the few days a month ( 6 or less ) to be a Dad. Good luck Dad , in taking your few days to try and instill discipline and respect for you and their mother in that time frame!!! Which makes you appear to them as being the bad parent.

If you also factor in the times that many noncustodial parents ( a.k.a. Dads ) go to pick their kids up for the politically correct term "parenting time " and are denied by the custodial parent because they have some vendetta to apease , then you put the children on the front line again in Mom & Dads War.

The legal system has everything to lose in $$$$ and professional job security and nothing to gain by ENFORCING the law and court orders ---so they DON'T.

Again Monroe Mom and your children's father I applaud you for loving your children FIRST and recognizing that such issues like throwing tantrums, making failing grades , lacking in courtesy and teaching moral and civil order are best addressed by BOTH  PARENTS being on the same page .

You have reported that mutual respect for each other as parents of your children and the priority of loving and teaching and disciplining ( an extentsion of loving your child ) does work IF given the chance.

More divorces should start with mediation instead of litigation and JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY as the custodial arrangement to give both parents equal footing and responsibility in raising THEIR child.

Naysayers will tell you it will never work , but how do we know because we have been told by the legal profession at the demise of our youth that the "Winner Take All " method is best.


Look around and observe the generations of youth who are at risk because their parents have never been put in a poisition legally of cooperating with each other and making a WIN /WIN environment for the kids --because they do not have to choose between parents regarding loyalty and who to listen to .

I will be attending a national Equal Parenting Rally this Saturday ( Aug. 18th )  in Washington D.C. with thousands of parents and grandparents and their families to raise awareness of a national disgrace in allowing our rights and more importantly our childrens rights to a healthy relationship with Both Parents to be denied by an agenda based and greed $$$$ filled destructive path that we see result in temper tantrums and worse : crime ,drug and alcohol abuse , adolescent promiscuity and parenting , illiteracy, etc.

The laying on the floor and  throwing a tantrum as a means of expression  the ill advised Dr. Spock generations of junk science advise taken by  parents  found out  were the drug addict, gang banger citizens and ill equiped parents  of our current society.

Children Want and Need Both Parents  
www.dcrally2007.com

J.Pat Mc Elligott        
Logged

Lady Arbella

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3899
Re: PARENTING TODAY WHATS THE ANSWER?
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2007, 11:06:11 PM »

I think the answer is better communication. From the time my daughter was little she always knew what what acceptable and what was not. There was always consistency as far as the rules were concerned. For example, when we were out in a crowded area she would hold my hand at ALL times, NO exceptions. I can honestly say that I  never experienced any type of tantrum or major outburst while in public or even at home. That very well might have more to do with her nature than my parenting skills...........lol.

As she got older (ages 3-5) it was even easier because she fully believed that I carried a giant can of "whoop-a**" in my purse. Just so everyone knows, she has never seen a can of "whoop-a**" nor experienced an open can of "whoop-a**"  It's one of those things that started off more as a joke and she took it seriously and I used it as long as I could.  ;D

We hit a few rough spots during the pre-teen times. Again, communication was the key. When I had to say NO to something I would explain why and after the initial disappointment, she would understand. (A few times it did escalate to the point where I had to let her know that I am fully capable of laying her out right then and there, but those times were so far and few in between, that they are hardly worth mentioning.) I always reminded her that even though she won't be allowed to do that particular thing or go to that particular place, tomorrow WILL come, life WILL go on, and next week this will all be forgotten.

Now that we have reached the teenage years I had to remember how to speak "teenagese"  I see many people talk to teens in a way the immediatly puts them on the defensive. I think too many adults suffer from "selective memory" issues when recalling how they behaved during their teen years.
I have found that when dealing with an unruly teen, just asking them why they are acting that way usually gets them to think about what they are doing. Then they usually get that blank look on their face and say "I dunno".  ???

So to sum it up, Communication is the key and if that doesn't work...........an industrial size can of "Whoop A**"  ;D
Logged
If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up