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[Frenchfry]

YOUR TOILET TISSUE ALLOCATION
Friday, August 17, 2007
by Jim Hightower

It has taken years of secret research, consultations with focus groups, and trial-and-error engineering work – but, at last, the corporate scientists have come up with the answer we've all been anxiously awaiting: five sheets.
That's the amount of toilet paper that Kimberly-Clark Corporation has determined that its new product – the world's first-ever, hands-off, fully-automatic, wonderama, electronic tissue dispenser – should dole out. Wave a hand in front of one of the device's motion sensors and – zzzt – out zips your five-sheet allocation.
A Kimberly-Clark spokesman excitedly says that this gizmo will help the corporation capture the $1 billion-a-year "away-from-home toilet paper market." Pointing out that washrooms in restaurants, offices, airports, and other places already have automatic faucets, flushers, and towel dispensers, he notes that "the one part of the room where there's not an automatic option is toilet tissue."
Oh, great – as anyone knows who's been to washrooms in those places, the machinery constantly goes on the fritz, and now they're going to extend this same electronic "convenience" to toilet paper. I think the CEO of Kimberly-Clark should have to list his personal cell phone number on each machine, so we know who to call when it refuses to give us our five sheets.
By the way, what if you want six sheets? Oh, said the enthusiastic corporate spokesman, "People generally in life will take what you give them." So, Kimberly-Clark is betting that America has devolved from the rebellious spirits of the Boston Tea Party and the Declaration of Independence to a people so compliant that we'll meekly accept whatever amount of toilet tissue our corporate providers allow.
I think that Kimberly-Clark's honchos are in for a surprise. My guess is that this corporation is going to find quite a few of its electronic dispensers ripped from the walls of washroom stalls all across America.



"Company rolls out electronic toilet tissue dispenser that spits out 5 sheets per wave,"
www.statesman.com, July 12, 2007

[edlockhart]

Is it single, double, or triple ply compatable? 

[Lady Arbella]

Why not improve on this idea even more adding a coin operated feature.  The store or restaurant will, out of the goodness of their heart, provide you with the first five squares for free. Any additional squares will cost you a quarter each. 

[LunaPierCook]

IMHO, the whole idea is a load of crap. And the "coin-operated" concept? Nothing more than a tip-to-the-loo ...

[no one gets my name right anyway]

Why not improve on this idea even more adding a coin operated feature.  The store or restaurant will, out of the goodness of their heart, provide you with the first five squares for free. Any additional squares will cost you a quarter each. 

...only if the coin machine is in EACH stall.  You have no idea how bad it is to discover there is no free paper once you're in the stall and need to go BACK OUT to the common area for men and women! Ugh.

I think this idea would cause a lot of stinky butts, too! 

[Farmer.Ted]

How would you like to be the person who gets to collect the coins?  Can you say rubber glove?

[livewire]

Only FIVE sheets, probably single ply?

I use that many for a booger.   

[Lady Arbella]

I would just like to clariry that my coin operated comment was completely sarcastic. I don't really  think that there should be any type of allocation when it comes to TP.

I find the whole automatic TP dispenser idea to be ridiculous. As stated in the article, how many times have these other automated restroom devices not worked. Most of us can deal with wet hands due to a non-functioning hand dryer. I don't  think many of us would be too happy about "icky butt" due to a non-working TP dispenser.

[Lady Arbella]

Only FIVE sheets, probably single ply?

I use that many for a booger.   

I am laughing so hard right now that my stomach hurts! 

[no one gets my name right anyway]

I would just like to clariry that my coin operated comment was completely sarcastic. I don't really  think that there should be any type of allocation when it comes to TP.

I find the whole automatic TP dispenser idea to be ridiculous. As stated in the article, how many times have these other automated restroom devices not worked. Most of us can deal with wet hands due to a non-functioning hand dryer. I don't  think many of us would be too happy about "icky butt" due to a non-working TP dispenser.

LOL I know you were joking, but a form of it is true in many countries!

[RosesAreRed]

Ha, this reminds me of the toilet paper dispensers that used to be in the restroom of Denniston Theater.

[lulu]

Years of secret research?? Ya think they used the Tidy Bowl Man to spy on how much the average person pulled out of the dispenser?  hmmmm......

[no one gets my name right anyway]

Did anyone see the Myth Busters about toilet paper? I think it was them. Anyway, they concluded that toilet paper "scrunchers" had less germs on their hands than "folders". Who knew?! For 5 sheets, you'd definitely have to scrunch!

[caspar]

no one gets my name right anyways,

If you need any extra paper, you can always use that "race card" that you always seem to have in your pocket. 

[Ördög]

no one gets my name right anyways,

If you need any extra paper, you can always use that "race card" that you always seem to have in your pocket. 

Wow. You can't even talk about toilet paper without picking a fight? This forum goes from bad to worse every time I come here. It's going straight down the toilet.