MonroeTalks.com > Categories > Politics and Government > Political jokes.


Pages: 1 ... 13 14 [15] 16 17 ... 411   Go Down

Author Topic: Political jokes.  (Read 326868 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Susan T

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2693
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #210 on: May 12, 2009, 08:03:37 AM »

Posted to Craig's List Personals(THIS IS GREAT)

> To the Guy Who Tried to Mug my lady friend and
> I in downtown Portland night
> before last.
>
> Date: 2009-04-13,  3:43AM 
>
>
> I was the white guy with the brown Burberry
> jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the
> knife on me and my girlfriend as we were walking down the
> sidewalk minding our own business.
>
>
> I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect
> you  to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
> handing you my jacket.
>
>
> Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
> reason that evening, remember, it wasn't that cold outside.
>
>
> You see, my girlfriend had bought me that new
> Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had
> just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful
> pistol,
> eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head,
> isn't it?  My, what an enormous hole that barrel is, right?
>
>
> I know it probably
> wasn't a great deal of fun
> walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
> flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since
> you also
> ended up leaving your shoes, phone, and wallet with me. I
> couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you
> try to mug us again now could I?
>
>
> I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
> "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell phone, and
> explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and
> four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of
> gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor  home took
> 150 gallons and was extremely grateful.
>
>
> I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys
> over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your
> wallet. 
>
>
> I threw the wallet in a fancy pink
> "pimp mobile" that was double parked at the curb after I
> broke the windshield and side window out. I also keyed the drivers
> side with a big "Happy Face".
>
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your
> cell phone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know
> which ones.
>
>
> Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only
> had the phone for a little over a da
> y now, so I don't know what's
> going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your
> service.
>
>
> I could only get in two threatening phone calls
> to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was
> really pissed. We had had a long chat. (I guess while
> he traced the number).
>
>
> I wiped my prints off the phone and tossed it
> through the 8 x 16 foot plate glass window of the downtown ACLU
> office.  I'm sure they'll get it back to you very quickly.
>
>
> I'd also like to apologize for not killing you
> and instead making you walk back home humiliated..
>
>
> I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice
> of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
>
>
> P.S. Remember this motto.......  an armed
> society is a polite society!
Logged
Those who complain, came in late.We have got the start on them, which we are determined to keep. Cherokee Chief Doublehead. 1796

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #211 on: May 12, 2009, 09:10:04 AM »

"Did you see Cheney the other day? He threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals home game. It was low and in the dirt -- kind of like his approval rating. ... Whose idea was it to use Cheney to throw out the first pitch? I mean, this guy's not known for his aim." --Jay Leno

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"He was booed. Cheney said he was very surprised. He thought he'd be greeted as a liberator with flowers and candy." --David Letterman, on Cheney throwing out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals home opener

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Dick Cheney threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Washington Nationals baseball game. And talk about irony. Did you hear what happened? He threw the ball and hit a quail. Killed it." --David Letterman

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Here now a list of requirements for Dick Cheney's 'downtime suite': He wants bottled water. He wants decaffeinated coffee. He wants an ice bucket. He wants ammo. ... Cheney wants bottled water, decaffeinated coffee. He wants his lights on. He wants the temperature at 68 degrees, the TV's must be tuned to Fox news. I was thinking, 'My God, I wish they would have put this much preparation into the Iraqi War'" --David Letterman

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. ... There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands (Watch video clip)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Dick Cheney said he felt terrible about shooting a 78-year-old man, but on the bright side, it did give him a great idea about how to fix Social Security." --Bill Maher
Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #212 on: May 12, 2009, 01:03:36 PM »

« Last Edit: May 12, 2009, 01:07:03 PM by JustMe »
Logged

Susan T

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2693
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #213 on: May 16, 2009, 11:53:52 AM »

In honor of the 44th President of the United States ,

Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road ."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes.
 
The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient.
 
The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a

large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is

taken away and given to the person in line behind you.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change,

holding an empty cone with no hope of getting

any ice cream.

Are you stimulated?
Logged
Those who complain, came in late.We have got the start on them, which we are determined to keep. Cherokee Chief Doublehead. 1796

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #214 on: May 16, 2009, 12:35:51 PM »

Palin-Prejean Alliance Predicted in Book of Revelation

 Just hours after Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin voiced her support for embattled Miss California Carrie Prejean, Biblical scholars noted that the alliance between the former and present beauty queens is prophesied in the Holy Scriptures.

While many observers have called the Palin-Prejean link-up predictable, few suspected that it was in fact predicted in The Book of Revelation.

"The unholy alliance between Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean is explicitly stated in the Book of Revelation as a harbinger of the End of Days," said the reverend Dr. Davis Logsdon, Dean of the University of Minnesota's School of Divinity.  "They're right in there, after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."

But Dr. Logsdon was quick to point out that the first person to notice the Palin-Prejean reference in the Bible's book of prophecy was actually the sixteenth-century seer Nostradamus, legendary for his predictive powers.

According to Dr. Logsdon, in 1555 Nostradamus predicted the alliance between the two right-wing beauties when he wrote, "The slayer of beasts shall meet the barer of breasts."

When asked whether the alliance between Gov. Palin and Miss California means that the world is about to end, Dr. Logsdon was unequivocal: "That would be the best-case scenario."
http://www.borowitzreport.com/article.aspx?ID=7023
Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #215 on: May 18, 2009, 03:23:41 AM »

Logged

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #216 on: May 18, 2009, 09:11:35 AM »

Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #217 on: May 18, 2009, 12:19:11 PM »

Logged

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #218 on: May 18, 2009, 12:35:50 PM »

Logged

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #219 on: May 18, 2009, 11:02:53 PM »

Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #220 on: May 19, 2009, 01:03:12 AM »

 
Logged

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #221 on: May 19, 2009, 01:06:20 AM »


Logged

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #222 on: May 19, 2009, 10:22:02 AM »

Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com

JustMe

  • Veteran Talker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 133
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #223 on: May 20, 2009, 12:02:12 AM »

Logged

Frenchfry

  • Hero Talker
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 39903
Re: Political jokes.
« Reply #224 on: May 20, 2009, 06:31:40 AM »

Logged
This is what I see when I visit:

"Sorry Frenchfry, you are banned from posting and sending personal messages on this forum.
This ban is not set to expire."

No emails, no warnings, no communication whatsoever...just that ban

May be what happened to the other libs as well.

I guess disabling the report to admin link only on the lib side was indicative of the slanted games they play.

Enjoy your spoon-fed Faux News type right-wing echo-chamber.

Edited to add:

This is the only way to answer some of the questions posed:

1) I did nothing to warrant the banishment, it's political.

2) It's the router that's blocked but considering all the nonsense right-wing games being played by those running the site...it's just not worth it to bypass the banishment block.

3) The moron stalkers from MT contemplating a visit will be considered a threat and can expect to have a bad day if they act upon those idiotic thoughts.

bumfunkegypt@live.com
Pages: 1 ... 13 14 [15] 16 17 ... 411   Go Up